I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
