dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
