In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
