I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
