I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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