Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
