He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
