yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
