we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
