just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
