The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
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Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize