i think my tv is drunk
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
