From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
