please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
This house was built for laser tag.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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