onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
