So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
