I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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