I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
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My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
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With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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