I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
