whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
