4 words: hood of his car
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
