I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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