You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
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We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
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So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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