we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
