She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
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