my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
