Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
