I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
