Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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