I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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