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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
