I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
