My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
