Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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