Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
