She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
