sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
