My girlfriend figured out who you are.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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