Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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