So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I wear drunk well.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
