she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
