you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
