would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
