Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
