A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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