I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
i've created a new STD.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It's rum buckets o'clock
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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