New invention idea: vibrating tampons
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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