do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
