yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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