I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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