Texts From Last Night

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  (813): View more from Florida

  Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that

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  (813): Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that <code></code> http://tfl.nu/dm03
  Replies (8) Good night (1941) Bad night (568)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.

  (716): View more from New York

  i dont this its possible to queef on command.

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  (630): bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face. (716): i dont this its possible to queef on command. http://tfl.nu/u9ov
  Replies (90) Good night (1017) Bad night (2917)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.

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  (416): He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French. http://tfl.nu/rqrw
  Replies (81) Good night (1082) Bad night (5857)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.

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  (732): doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn. http://tfl.nu/3kzi
  Replies (15) Good night (1554) Bad night (5027)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.

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  (416): girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently. http://tfl.nu/g9ad
  Replies (23) Good night (1596) Bad night (4015)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.

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  (602): Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter. http://tfl.nu/60s7
  Replies (17) Good night (1211) Bad night (4812)
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.

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  (807): I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature. http://tfl.nu/rbpc
  Replies (47) Good night (6592) Bad night (1219)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....

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  (609): just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public.... http://tfl.nu/rq3r
  Replies (24) Good night (7618) Bad night (2007)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"

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  (817): He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick" http://tfl.nu/f333
  Replies (18) Good night (3962) Bad night (1092)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night

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  (803): Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night http://tfl.nu/ewza
  Replies (9) Good night (1229) Bad night (6417)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.

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  (703): No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off. http://tfl.nu/2s4x
  Replies (10) Good night (6788) Bad night (995)
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  (530): View more from California

  We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.

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  (530): We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security. http://tfl.nu/p79e
  Replies (3) Good night (2207) Bad night (691)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.

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  (914): I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed. http://tfl.nu/j5xb
  Replies (6) Good night (1500) Bad night (535)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger

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  (+61): The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger http://tfl.nu/x8sq
  Replies (4) Good night (583) Bad night (1140)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.

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  (270): No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call. http://tfl.nu/mofx
  Replies (11) Good night (3763) Bad night (689)

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