FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing