Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(858): View more from California

So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?

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(858): So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis? http://tfl.nu/f1iy

Replies (12) Good night (1334) Bad night (724)
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(206): View more from Washington

She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant

(360): View more from Washington

At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats

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(206): She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant (360): At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats http://tfl.nu/21vb

Replies (5) Good night (665) Bad night (2221)
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(509): View more from Washington

Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.

(406): View more from Montana

IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.

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(509): Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober. (406): IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out. http://tfl.nu/sia4

Replies (10) Good night (1114) Bad night (4010)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.

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(860): So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever. http://tfl.nu/64bh

Replies (85) Good night (10758) Bad night (2528)
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(708): View more from Illinois

We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now

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(708): We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now http://tfl.nu/mm02

Replies (21) Good night (7102) Bad night (984)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together

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(978): We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together http://tfl.nu/81ca

Replies (6) Good night (2545) Bad night (1011)
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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.

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(215): He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that. http://tfl.nu/u001

Replies (12) Good night (2033) Bad night (788)
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(309): View more from Illinois

He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.

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(309): He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are. http://tfl.nu/35z0

Replies (4) Good night (944) Bad night (1481)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years

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(717): Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years http://tfl.nu/kz81

Replies (24) Good night (1092) Bad night (976)
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(469): View more from Texas

You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.

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(469): You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk. http://tfl.nu/g688

Replies (2) Good night (2351) Bad night (685)
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(907): View more from Alaska

Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"

(414): View more from Wisconsin

I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea

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(907): Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed" (414): I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea http://tfl.nu/3884

Replies (19) Good night (1140) Bad night (2302)
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(319): View more from Iowa

I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face

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(319): I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face http://tfl.nu/7v6p

Replies (9) Good night (1753) Bad night (527)
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(330): View more from Ohio

I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos

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(330): I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos http://tfl.nu/fa4z

Replies (1) Good night (700) Bad night (338)
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(206): View more from Washington

Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?

(360): View more from Washington

What are you gonna do about it?

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(206): Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king? (360): What are you gonna do about it? http://tfl.nu/zg4q

Replies (7) Good night (892) Bad night (283)
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(903): View more from Texas

I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.

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(903): I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you. http://tfl.nu/6dmy

Replies (1) Good night (727) Bad night (257)

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