The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
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It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
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Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain