if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.