i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
