If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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