I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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