After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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