also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I don't deserve a penis
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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