it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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