you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
