Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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