I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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