i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Randomize
