The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
