so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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