I murdered the dance floor call the cops
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
