I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
