TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just invented taco cereal.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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