im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
