Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Success! We fucked roommates!
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