Plan B is the new Plan A
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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