I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
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I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
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Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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