dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize