was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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