i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
