So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
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She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
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All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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