Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
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